Things got a little heated around here yesterday when we released our list of the 20 Hottest Libertarian Women Alive.
Some people called it rude, some people thought it was sexist, but luckily most people thought it was cute, funny and great publicity. One of the major complaints was the order of the ranking, but did NO ONE READ THE PART WHERE IT SAID THE LIST WAS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER? JEEZ!
Also, we do what we want! Cause we are libertarians and this is ‘MURICA!
Of course no one read the text. You just wanted to look at the babes. We don’t blame you. But you know, we did do our best to keep it clean and to pound it into your puny brains that these women were more than just their looks. Still, thank you to all who actually read it and enjoyed it. We’d like to congratulate ourselves on a job well done.
But soft! What tension through yonder liberty movement breaks? It is the men! And they hath claimed jealousy to not receive a list of their own. Arise fair men! And kill thine envy, because your list is upon us. (That was a Shakespeare reference BTW plebes)
Now, I’m gonna be honest here. I am not the best person to be making a list of hot dudes. So, in order to keep it objective, I have asked a panel of women and gay men to help me compile what I believe are the hottest dudes of liberty. You ready?
Start your engines, because here is the list of the hottest dudes of the liberty movement.
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!
#20. Zak Slayback
Now, this gay guy I know told me that Zak is “objectively” hot, but I question this dude’s understanding of basic economics. Doesn’t he know that ALL VALUE IS SUBJECTIVE? Psh. Do you even economics bro?
Slayback is a lifeguard. A LIFEGUARD! Insert mouth to mouth joke here. He’s also a student at the University of Pennsylvania and has appeared on The Blaze with Glenn Beck. He reps liberty so hard motherf**ers wanna find me. THAT SH*T CRAY! What he order? Fish filet?
Sorry ladies… and some gents, he’s taken.
#19. Andrew Kirell
Andrew Kirell is the editor in chief of the extremely popular cable news site Mediaite. He’s also a hardcore libertarian that used to produce for John Stossel. He’s sort of a hipster, but don’t judge, because at least he doesn’t have a stupid hipster beard. He’s man-a-licious. Or so I’ve heard.
#18. Jeff Scully
Known as the “Ryan Gosling” of the liberty movement, Jeff Scully worked at FreedomWorks for a while and now he’s the Virginia state director at Generation Opportunity. He spreads liberty like he spreads… Well he spreads liberty. He’s beautiful! Look at him! How could you not be all like GIMME MOAR SCULLY?!
#17. Clark Ruper
You don’t know who Clark Ruper is?
Still alive? Good. I need the ad revenue.
Clark Ruper is the Vice President of Students for Liberty. They’re basically the largest libertarian student organization in the world. They do these huge international conferences every year where everyone gets together and plots on how they will take over the world and leave everyone else alone. It’s so fresh. Fresh to death! And so is Ruper in his many astounding ties. He is a beautiful man.
#16. Jeffrey Tucker.
This is a beautiful, beautiful man. He singlehandedly brought the bow tie back. And if you look at his collar, it DETACHES from his shirt. That is MAD SWAG, yo. He calls himself an anarchist, how sexy is that? Also he started this sweet new website called Liberty.Me and instead of being a bitch and naming himself CEO, he calls himself the CLO… Chief LIBERTY Officer. How cool!
Tucker is the man that every libertarian wishes he could be, but doesn’t have the CHUTZPAH. Jeffrey you make me moist…. my eyes that is. For I weep when I stand in awe of the beauty that is Jeffrey Tucker.
#15. Adam Kokesh
Adam is ostensibly nuts. But he’s attractive. And he does a lot of libertarian activism. I was told it would not be a valid list unless Mr. Kokesh was on it because ladies like his big muscly arms and wizard beard. Mr. Kokesh is famous for getting chokeslammed by D.C. Park Police in the Jefferson Memorial for dancing. DANCING! What the hell is that, right?
He also loaded a shotgun near the whitehouse on video and got arrested for having drugs and guns in his house in Virginia. Oopsie! Oh well. If you like bad boys, and I know a lot of you do, then Adam deserves to be on the list. He does a show called Adam Vs. The Man where he rants against big government and smokes marijuana cigarettes for da moobment.
#14. Joey Clark
Not much is known about Joey Clark amongst da moobment. He does a podcast called the Joey Clark show and he’s got these dreamy eyes that make you wanna UH! *double up* UH! UH!
He studied poli-sci at Auburn University, where the wild things are. And he’s a host at Viewpoint. He lives in Alabama, but he’s not a redneck. He’s just a very pretty man who loves bitcoins, liberty and spreading the message.
#13. Joshua Joel Tucker
Look at this man with his wide shoulders and his big arms and curly hair and cowboy hat. OBJECTIFY HIM!
No. Don’t. Because he is a pretty smart guy who did outreach with Youth for Ron Paul. He’s big on the Constitution and works in local Kansas grassroots politics. Like a rhinestone cowboy, he’s been reppin’ freedom for so long, singing’ the same old song. Offer’s comin’ on the phone to speak on liberty.
#12. Alexander McCobin
Who is this beautiful man of liberty? He’s Alexander McCobin! He’s the president of Students for Liberty y’all! What is Students for Liberty? He will tell you in a very funny accent! ‘Styee-oodents’ for liberty is a non-profit organization whose mission is to provide a unified student driven form of support for other students on campuses.
But don’t let that patrician accent fool you. He is a very nice man. And he’s also very pretty to look at. Every time he laughs, a neocon or homophobe loses his wings. Did you see that one time at CPAC where he called out the bigoted people who were all hating it up on our gay friends?! OH LAWDY LAWD he is a beautiful man.
McCobin… we would happily be your styee-oodent of liberty any day.
#11. Max Borders
Oh laws, yes! Max works at the Foundation for Economic Education and is the editor of the famous Freeman magazine. He’s the author of Superwealth: Why we should stop worrying about the gap between the rich or poor. But we think he needs to be concentrating more on the thigh gap situation because he is a very pretty man. TOO BAD HE’S HAPPILY MARRIED! DEAL WITH IT!
#10. Carlos Alfaro
Carlos Alfaro studies history and economics at Arizona State University, which is basically the number one party school in America. So WHY DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? Ugh! Such a selfish pig!
He’s originally from Guadalajara, Mexico and he speaks Spanish and ‘murican. He’s the president of the College Republicans, but don’t let that fool you. He has never punched a gay baby in the face as so many GOPers are wont to do.
This beautiful latin man has a beard that could looks like it could sufficiently oil two trucks and a lawnmower. But who cares? He’s so pretty that he had to be on this list because hot, libertarian men like Alfaro are a rare find.
#9. Jeff Frazee
Jeff Frazee. So crazy. Think I wanna have his baby. Oh, he’s already got a baby? NO FAIR!
This beautiful blonde hunk of freedom is the founder and executive director at Young Americans for Liberty. He lives in D.C. but he’s originally from Texas. Belly of the beast! Speaking of belly, have you seen his abs? Me either. But we infer that this slender man could drive even 12-year-olds to kill! He’s gorgeous! If you like blondes. Which some people do apparently. *shudders*
#8. Rand Paul
OBVI! He’s got this curly hair that will make your toes curl! Rand started out kinda nerdy but now he’s all pushing his chest out walkin’ around like he’s BMOC which he is. Obama literally FEARS this guy and he’s the type of liberty lovin’ man that makes his father proud. Do you even liberty bro? Rand does. He does so hard.
#7. Matt McKinney
Matt is the Co-founder of Intellectual Revolution, a website aimed at educational discovery which features conscious intellectuals on the path of liberty, harmony and sustainability. He studied a the University of California.
That sounds very nice Matt. Now can you just step back a little bit so we can get you in the frame a little better? Mmhmm, that’s nice. Looks good. Mmm yeah.
#6. Edward Stringham
Edward has a PhD in economics at George Mason. You know, where all the little baby libertarians are hatched out of the eggs that the evil Koch brothers lay? Just keeding! We love you Charles and David! Mwah!
Edward is a FULL BLOWN AUSTRIAN. Hardcore. Basically he lives life as an international man of leisure, which you can see below. He also has appeared on John Stossel’s show on Fox Business and TONS of other shows. Look at this man’s incredible resume. Is he not brilliant? Is he not handsome? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
#5. Thomas Massie
Massie’s got nerd cred. He’s basically a genius. He went to MIT and got a degree in electrical engineering and a masters in mechanical engineering. Then he went on to invent a whole bunch of stuff that made him uber rich. What did he do with all that money? He created jobs! Oh lawdy lawd! That is beautiful!
Oh also he is a congressman or some crap like that. We usually hate politicians. Massie’s OK though because he ate hemp on live TV just to be all badass.
#4. Jeff Berwick.
Jeff is the Dollar Vigilante. And when you call someone a vigilante, it’s an instant panty dropper, if you wear panties. Which I don’t. Still, despite his obvious good looks, Jeff is a very intelligent man who speaks about Bitcoin and the coming collapse of the dollar.
#3. Judd Weiss
Everybody loves Judd Weiss.LOOK AT HIS HAIRY CHEST AND PROSTRATE! BOW! RESPECT! GENUFLECT! He’s like that hairy Italian guy that somehow manages to get all the chicks and you have been shaving your chest for years and now feel pretty stupid for doing it. You could have been hairy like Judd and gotten all the ladies. And let me tell you, this guy gets the ladies.
He’s basically the hottest thing in the liberty movement right now. Judd. So hot. So hot right now. Judd. But screw that stuff because he’s also a very popular photographer! His photos are everywhere! You looking hot in black and white? Judd did that. You got a new girl/boyfriend because of your hot picture? Judd did that! You now a libertarian because you went to one of his epic debauched parties in L.A. where he brings speakers to liberate your mind? JUDD DID THAT!
#2. Nick Gillespie
Look, Nick is kind of old now. But who cares? He’s got that rockabilly Elvis kind of look that women of all ages are going to find attractive. Plus, he’s super famous and on TV a lot and stuff. Don’t you care about that? No? Well how about the fact that he’s editor of freaking Reason magazine? No? You just want too look at a hot pic of Nick? Jeez fine, OK here you go.
#1. Radley Balko
Oh Radley… you could set a straight man on FIRE with your beautiful eyes and your WICKED attacks on the police state. Formerly a columnist at Reason Magazine, Balko now writes for the Washington Post. He’s known for TEARING into police whenever they overstep their constitutional and legal authority. Ladies love him, men want to be him. He is without a doubt a HOT man of liberty.
So that’s our list! What did you think?
OH REALLY FOOL? Well…
Now why don’t you go away and leave us alone?! Right after you please click on a word from our sponsors. KTHNXBAI!